Eternity's Child – Cruel Honesty v.4.0

Monday, April 12, 2004 - 09:37 p.m.

hm, well... lots of stuff has been happening. I have my japanese ch. 11 test tomorrow, and I've sorta studied it. What really gets me is those stupid noun modification clauses. >.o;;; Whoever's idea it was to make a whole chapter on nothing but past tense really needs to have their ass kicked.

<.< and somebody on my dorm floor sounds like a little yapping dog when they laugh.... and just trust me, it's anything but cute.

My mom might be coming up this thursday to do more room cleaning/moving. It doesn't really seem like it's this close to being the end of the semester. And it doesn't help that apart of my jap final is THIS friday. x.x;;;

I have a rather nice headache going on, and I really wish it would go away. *sighs* In a little bit, I'm gonna start downloading more of Fullmetal Alchemist. That anime eets yer very soul, and you become addicted so quickly it should be outlawed - heh heh heh - and who could help but not love Ed? "Who did you call a shorty who's so small that he's barely visable and hard to target!?"

XD XD

His obsession over his chibi-ness is... it's.... OMFG it's hilarious XD XD

Ed pwnz joo.

Monday, April 5, 2004 - 05:31 p.m.

THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!!! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!!!

Well, ok maybe not me, but you know what.... heh heh.

Things have been rather interesting and I feel more "alive" than I have in the past few days. I guess my body just wasn't going to accept a shitload of hormones being soaked into it from the outside. Simply 20 hours of it almost killed me. x.x;;

In other non-lethal news, I managed to get some yummies into my tummies. And all was good. I might need to repeat that process in a little bit.

*yawns* shower = sleepy *Zzzz Zzzzz*

Thursday, April 1, 2004 - 11:49 a.m.

The Exorcist in 30 Seconds - Re-enacted by bunnies

Funny stuff yo!! XD XD

Tuesday, March 23, 2004 - 12:08 p.m.

hm.... I'm beginning to realize the complexities of keeping me LJ and dis here bloggie up and going. It ever more tedious to rant about the same thing twice in two different places.

However, this bloggie here is ever so pretty *_*

But I like me newly re-designed LJ as well.

Although, I have to admit that somedays I feel like writing here and other days over there.... it's rather confusing. My brain works in mysteries ways.

Saturday, March 20, 2004 - 11:47 a.m.

well, spring break is pretty much over. tomorrow I get to go back and become Purdue's prisoner again.

Oh joyous days.

I've pretty much not really had a break, really. What with having an appointment of some kind almost everyday and then having an english paper to write and send to da teacher and then my computer lab homework to finish.... that's the only thing I haven't done, actually. But I really don't feel like messing with Excel at the moment. The prospect of that really bores me.

Anyhoo, finally managed to get into playing Fatal Frame 2 a little bit. It's rater good, I like it..... especially since the game gives me the creeps and makes me wanna scream, but hey, I'm a big chicken that way. ^_^;;; Nothing like running after yer twin sister to turn around and see a ghost mob carrying torches and running towards you as if to say "I SHALL BRAIN THEE!!!" (think "The Cable Guy" - if you've seen that movie)

but I unfortunately had to postpone my "being brained" since I had to leave for an appointment on that particular day.... and I haven't picked it back up since. It kinda sucks when there's only one t.v. in the house that I can use since my t.v. is back at school. ;_;

Of course the fact being that the t.v. here is 64" and mine is a 21" - big difference. Hey, I originally was going to buy a 27" but thought it was a bit big... that and because Best Buy didn't have anymore that I wanted in stock, and I wanted the t.v. RIGHT THEN. I was impatient, I finally had me a playstation... or was that when I got my PS2...? *blinks* Well, whatever. I really only use my t.v. to game so what does it matter? Other then when a few certain somebodies whine that its too small. *coughJaradcoughJoshcoughHazaarcough*

did you hear anything...? I didn't think so. ^_~

So, what to do for th rest of the day since that's all that is left of my vacation. Yay... I got a half-day vacation. *quirks*

Actually this is really the first time I could really actually get on da computer this week. Freaky.... I'll have to do my normal rounds for once and catch up on some things.

Hai hai, sou desu ne!!!

Friday, March 19, 2004 - 03:23 p.m.

It's the end of spring break y'all.... I'll be heading back to the prison of all that is school work here in the next 2 days. Yay. I haven't really been on a computer at all this entire week... and what little I was on was for was to check mail, see that I once again have nothing and then log-off as my parents' computer uberly sucks.

That aside, I wouldn't even be on the computer now if it wasn't for the fact that I'm trying to finish up my english paper on the whole conflict over the legalization of gay marriages. I'm trying to be as agrumentive as possible, as I really don't like to play sides. I overall say "be with who you love" - that's my general philosophy. I mean, if Joe loves Jack or Sally loves Suzy, I'm happy for them.

The world sucks enough as it is, to have to go and be all bratty and deny an individual's right to be happy. Besides, who am I to say who someone should or shouldn't be with? Unless its like an abusive relationship or something bad like that.

If only people could truely be more open. It's one thing to say you have an open mind and quite another to practice what you preach. Through talking with many different people and experiencing many different things and emotions, I've become a more open person. I can't say that I'm not narrow minded about things. I can't really think of something that I'm narrow-minded about at this very moment, but I'm sure there's something.

Aside from all that, until you can accept the differences of every person and can grasp that every person is unique and individual than you really can't ever begin to live a true life.

Me for example, I try to be as open and honesty as much as I am able. The worst answer I could ever give someone is silence, but I refuse to lie if someone asks me what I think. I mean, if you really didn't want to know, then why did you ask? Get a "yes-man" if you want someone to pump up your self-esteem and agree with all that you say.

You shouldn't have too much problem with that either.... a truely honest person is something hard to come by anymore it seems... they're out there.... somewhere ^_^;;

Wednesday, March 3, 2004 - 05:22 p.m.

oh lord, I think I'm gonna bash my head into a wall >.o;;;

I totally BLEW my jap mid-term. Got chewed out by the almighty Endo-sama about having missed class more than I should have.... ;__; I didn't ever INTENTIONALLY miss my jap classes.

I can possibly salvage a C on my midterm that is if I can manage to ace the interview tomorrow. *twitches* Having to role-play in a tiny office like I'm in japan trying to buy something and having to be a clever negociator is not something I'm looking forward to. That and having to try to "invite" my interviewer to go do something and set-up a time and place to meet v.v;;

However, Endo-sama in all his wonderful-ness pretty much gave us exactly what we should say word for word. So, as long as I know my vocab so that I can fill in certain blanks and just pretty much memorize Endo's script... I should be fine. And praying that I don't go all silly and freeze up in the middle of my three conversations with my interviewer I SHOULD get all 17%. *crosses fingers*

Acing this will let me pass my mid-term with a 73.5% - a rather low C... but I'd be passing. And I'm gonna work my ass off to super-pass everything else.... not miss another day for ANY reason and just overall kick ass. My mid-term grade has most like brought my overall class grade down to a mid-to-high C .... I'm going to try and AIm to get it up to a B at whatever means necessary.

Damnit, I shouldn't be doing so badly! >.<;;;

Monday, March 1, 2004 - 02:25 p.m.

well, my sleep cycle is officially all screwy.... I just now finally was able to get up without feeling like ripping my eyeballs out or that I was going to fall over. And this is all due to stayin guntil 4am one night studying for an exam.

Damn it all.

With what time is left of the day however... and what a pretty day outside it is.... I am going to study my ass off for japanese, since my written mid-term is tomorrow. Last semester I don't recall really studying at all and got a C.... that's all right I suppose, its a passing grade but I want to kick ass this semester. Because of missing so many days and not really studying towards the end of the semester I got a C overall in the class when I had a pretty nice B going on.

Goal for this semester:

English: A
Japanese: B
Computer: B
Psychology: C
(Math: C)

That is the lowest acceptable grade I will allow in each of my classes. I would say "A" in my computer class.... but I don't really go to the lectures, so I don't take any of the random quizzes he gives out and I'm not exactly scoring perfects on the exams that deal with the lecture. Hey, I can work the computer... its just I was never good at remembering all the technical terms and whatnot. ^_^;;; That's why people loved asking me how to do something on a computer because I talked in a language they could understand.

Anyway, math could possibly be dropped for this semester... for a couple of reasons.... one, I haven't been going to class (shhh! don't tell!) so I'm not doing the homework or taking the quizzes..... two, on my first exam my C was a borderline D.... meaning if I would have missed just one more... o.o;;; and three, I'm on fucking academic probation for christs sake!!! Failing math would damper my GPA, which I can't afford to do. So, I've decided that if I fail my second math exam I'm dropping the course all together. Because when you think about it, with that class out of the picture, and if I get at least the grades I predict up above.... then Chibi gets a nice shiny 3.0 GPA - Chibi then proves she's worthy of being released from probation and that she can continue onward with her studies.... even if its going to take me more than 4 years and most likely even summer classes.

My childhood has been stripped away.... v.v;;;

All this and I'm not even in the major I originally wanted to be in. *quirks* Probably never will get into it either considering its harder than hell to switch majors here. I'm hoping to minor in it.... that might be cool. I'd have to take harder math classes though.... might be a problem.... my brain still hasn't recovered from having to remember simple algebra. O.<;;;

It also seems that today every person I've passed in this dorm has given me some pretty interesting looks. *blinkies* I'm not sure why.... I don't even really care.... it's just kind of interesting to think on the looks I've been getting - maybe its because I'm wearing a shirt that has Snoopy on it? *shrugs* Well screw them too, I happen to like Snoopy damnit. Why is every female in this god forsaken place overly critical of what they wear in the first place? I wear what I like damnit. They wear what they wear because it's popular and shows off a lot of skin. They have to have the boys on their heels now. *rolls eyes* Personally, I'm glad that I was able to get with someone who loves me for ME and not because I lured the dude in with clothes that were barely there. Bwuahahaha... that's why the girls here hate me, it seems as though I get all these guys around me and in the girl's on my floor's eyes I haven't put out enough to deserve it. *rolls eyes again* For starters, all my friends here are guys.... I relate to them more since my family is practically all male almost. I also have many interests that are usually considered a "guy thing" - in that respect the guys I'm friends with are comfortable around me because they know they can crash on the floor play games and talk as they normally would if they were out with the guys. Hell.... just last weekend I was sitting in one of the guy's houses, and I was right down on the floor with them playing Mario Cart on gamecube. I somehow manage to make a kick ass gunner in that game, who knew?

Anyway, I've been told by many a guys that there should be more girls out there like me. (That's a scary thought) Simply because I'm pretty comfortable with how I am, and I'm not afraid to try new things forgetting the fact of if its "very non-feminine" of a thing for me to do. Screw that.

By George, I'm "weird" on my floor. Why?

Simple.

I watch anime. I game - I'll take ya on any day, bring it! XD

Saturday, February 28, 2004 - 01:25 a.m.

I'm starting to feel better, but the situation still remains the same as it was earlier.

That being put aside since its now the oh so lovely mid-terms week... but I haven't been studying like I should. I'm being a very bad Chibi. I must study. Failure is not an option at all this semester.

In non-school news... I've been currently sitting and watching Boogiepop Phantom. It's dark, confusing at times and utterly delightful. It's suiting me just fine. I'm also attempting to download Socerer Stabber Orphen and Rah Xephon... all slow processes, but I have time, so I'm not worried too much about it. My view of anime is expanding and I'm happily accepting it.

I'm also glad to know that my japanese classes here at Purdue are paying off as I realize I'm not understanding sentences and not just a word here and there. There is hope for me after all.... who knew?

I need to investigate into future prospective animes to watch and/or manga to read... I've been deprived much as of lately and my event of 4 or so hours of anime every thursday isn't enough anymore. I'm going to have to come up with a list, after I finish Rah Xephon, Wolf's Rain and Orphen of course.

I also need to get working my my site again, but that will probably be put on hold until Spring break which is in about 2 weeks..... if even then.

On a side note.... the drunks on my floor are rather scary. Let me restate that.... the people on my floor are scary.... them drunk is SCARIER. *nods* yes much better.

Of course, like the smartass I am I printed out a nice little sign in japanese that pretty much as politely as possible said "No drunks allowed" for my dorm door. I have yet to hang it up... but I find it amusing nevertheless.

All this being randomly said and I shall be now trying to convince myself to study like a good student should.

Tuesday, February 24, 2004 - 10:00 p.m.

I haven't been feeling much like myself today. Or for the past few days for that matter. Nothing really been going on.

Over the weekend I did go to an Evanescence concert with a few people I know here at Purdue.... but I kinda realized over that period of time how much I stand out in this particular group.

They are all CS majors, and are always talking about their projects. Me being a dummy have no clue what they are talking about and sit and blink blankly at their foreign conversations.

And then they wonder why I never really say anything and have been labelled "the silent one".

The only time they ask me anything always pertains to da koibito.... and as much as I love to talk about him, it's just makes me wonder is he is my only real connection to these people?

True, that one of them was in my japanese class last semester, but its not like I can just sit and talk about what goes on in that class with him considering he didn't exactly pass the class and will be restarting his venture into the language next year.

I am really at a loss for words on what I should do. "Make friends" would seem to be an obvious answer, but its really not as easy as it seems.

This may be a new place and no one really knows me and I COULD become anyone that I wanted to be in theory.... but in the end I will always be me. That's all. End of story. Simple and as obvious as that.

I have found there are not really too many people like me.... making it hard to find close friends. Especially since I decided that I was going to try to find people more like me instead of making friends with someone just cause they just happen to be there like in high school.

I am in essence, I am nothing short of a tomboy.... all the girls here I have met are quite the opposite.... we tend to have very conflicting interests, and they tend to think that I am here to entertain them.

Even my own mother told me that my interests were too much like a guy's.

I like what I like. *shrugs*

As it stands.... I'm really not very happy with how things are going in my life. I find that currently I am feeling quite lonely and depressed. This can only be my fault, but I am currently at a loss for how to repair the situation.... so until I figure it out, I'll just have to keep my current state of irritatibility.

Having ranted these findings have in a way helped me to feel better.... and I can't help but think that maybe I am finally going through what would be known as "love sickness".

That's probably my problem.... when it comes down to it, I miss him horribly. But I really don't let anyone onto this fact. I haven't talked about it really with anyone. My parents poke fun at me.... I don't have a close girl friend.... and the guys here have told me to talk to them, but.... I just don't feel like gushing my bitty heart out to them. Not sure why really.... in general I never have really been known to be a "gusher" to anyone, period.

I guess I wish that I had a way to take my mind off of things, but all I have is school work and that's really not fun to do all the time. However, I have fallen behind and when I do find myself working on those things I do find that my personal problems fade away for that duration of time.

I really don't know if anyone reads this.... or if I am just ranting and whining out into space. At this point I am probably too depresed to care.

I just really want a hug right about now...